Blame it on the Cuervo
by Annie loves it
Summary: A trip to Vegas gone haywire. Alcohol, marriage licenses, and beer pong, oh my! Tabloids have a field day, and every cell phone on the planet is overflowing with video evidence. Needless to say Shuichi has banned Yuki from sex in public places. Forever.


This is a sequel of sorts to The Tape. Doesn't have to be read with it, but there is one or two references here and there to a previously made sex tape. X)

Inspired by Carrie Underwood, very loosely mind you.

**Blame it on the Cuervo**

**Chapter One**

**Mr. Chokesondik**

"_It started off 'Hey cutie, where ya from?' and it turned into 'Oh no what have I done?'_

"You have got to be kidding me. Not only is this a complete disaster, you have the nerve to say something like that? _'At least Chokesondik is a more creative name than Woodjablome.'_ Really? In this kind of situation you say something like that?" Eiri's irritation level was skyrocketing. Everything was out of control now, and this was just the tip of the ice berg.

Shuichi just rolled his eyes and snatched the licenses back from Eiri's hand, looking them both over and avoiding Eiri's gaze.

"Whatever, I'm just saying, this whole thing is a mess, but at least whoever _you_ married had the ability to think up a semi-funny last name. Mine is just a sad reminder that people fail to have humor." Eiri about exploded.

"We both end up married, to people we don't even _fucking know, _and you're concerned about humor? I fail to see how this is at all funny brat."

"Well shit Eiri, I don't know what to tell you. We still have a full week of this vacation, and I'm going to enjoy it. So if you want to mope and bitch about this, be my guest; _I'm _going to the bar to grab some drinks." With that, Shuichi tossed the marriage license in Eiri's face and began to make his way to the door of the hotel room. Before he could even get two steps however, Eiri grabbed his wrist and roughly pulled him back.

"You are not going _anywhere_! We're both married to people we don't even know damn it! Aren't you at _all _bothered that you woke up in another hotel room, next to this license and a vending machine ring on your finger? 'Cause it sure as hell bothers me that I woke up here, ten miles from you, in the same situation." Shuichi's eyes welled with tears.

"Fuck! I know okay! I just…I don't know what to _do about it_." Shuichi bowed his head, making his way to the living room of the suite. With a defeated, tearful sigh, Shuichi slumped into the soft designer couch.

Eiri shook his head and paced, analyzing the licenses.

"Maybe it was a mistake, some sort of practical joke. I mean, look! It's my name, but not my signature! Ha!" Eiri's hopes shot, realizing with joy that this was a fake, moving to stand in front of Shuichi. Shoving the paper in the pink haired man's face, he pointed to the signature.

"See? That is most definitely _not_ my signature." Shuichi looked at Eiri nervously.

"Um Eiri…it is." Eiri glared down hard at Shuichi.

"Brat, I think I would know my own handwriting. Since when did I add flowers, a cartoon bear and a smiley face into my characters?"

Shuichi began to sweat.

"Let's just say that when you get drunk, you get…artistic."

Silence.

"Explain, idiot."

Shuichi's eyes darted around the room, sinking deeper into the couch as Eiri hovered dangerously over him.

"Okay, so maybe I take advantage of your situation when you're drunk. But we need food! And, and shampoo! And pocky, video games, DVD's, posters and CD's! And I get so pissed when you stumble in at all hours of the night, smelling like beer and completely plastered."

Silence.

Eiri shut his eyes, breathing in, breathing out.

"So I guess I'm saying, I've seen you sign receipts while under the influence…and you…well, like I said, get creative."

"You make me buy things when I'm drunk?" Shuichi nodded slowly.

"Only when you're completely shit-faced, because then you hardly remember a thing, due to the fact you spend the rest of the evening praying to the porcelain Gods."

Eiri breathed in, breathed out.

"So, then we both _are_ really married, to whom we aren't sure. Neither of us remembers a thing of last night. Shuichi, we're _fucked._"

"Don't get all pissy with me, not _my fault_ you can't 'hold your liquor.'" Eiri nearly began to strangle him. Standing up straight he tucked a hand on his hip.

"That is _so_ the pot calling the kettle black, only the kettle is really white and the pot is a retard!" Shuichi clenched his jaw and glared daggers.

"So!"

"Shuichi, you drank a beer and a half last night and were _gone._ I on the other hand can at least remember _some_ of the beginning of last night, and I can remember quite clearly the multiple shots and couple of drinks I knocked back before falling all over the place!" Shuichi clenched his jaw and glared daggers.

"Well, what if it isn't even legal?" Eiri looked at Shuichi with a raised eyebrow. Shuichi proceeded to roll his eyes pointedly, for the second time.

"In case you've forgotten, I have a dick, as to say, _yo no tengo una vagina_, and _yes_ I just spoke the only Spanish I know. Some people still have a problem with my shortcomings, and therefore have kept it illegal for us to marry."

Eiri looked stumped.

"Who are you and what have you done with the idiot?"

"Always the tone of surprise."

"Intelligence, or any sign of it, is not in your genetic makeup, if you've forgotten. Either way, regardless, we've got to find these places where we got _hitched_ as the American's say, and fix this."

Shuichi nodded.

Groaning, and pinching the bridge of his nose, Eiri flopped onto the couch next to Shuichi.

How had this all started, anyway?

Xoxoxo

_Two weeks previously_

"Oy, brat."

"Hold on a second."

"No, no hold on a second, I am your master, you are my slave. You respond to my needs, damn it." Shuichi mumbled angrily, grabbing a scrap paper from beside him on the chair and stuffed it between the pages of the book he had been reading.

"Yes, master of self esteem issues?"

"Har-har. What are you doing, is what I want to know." Eiri crossed his arms, fuming with anger as he watched Shuichi from the threshold of the kitchen.

"What does it look like, I'm reading."

"Yeah, yeah, I know that, but _what_ are you reading, pray tell?" Shuichi just raised a questioning eyebrow, lifting the book for Eiri to see.

"Twilight, 'tis good. Why?" Eiri's eye twitched.

A series of questions were stringing their way through Eiri's mind; first off had been Shuichi can _read_? Then, next came, since yes, he can, why doesn't he read _my _books? And lastly was, what the fuck is Twilight? Deciding the latter was the one in a more urgent need of response, Eiri went with that first.

"What the fuck is Twilight?" Shuichi just sighed, turning away from Eiri and picking his book back up.

"It's a love story between a seventeen year old girl and a vampire, and all the struggles they must overcome due to their setback." Shuichi stopped his explanation to give Eiri a once over. "And you, dear Eiri, could take a pointer or two from Edward."

More questions in Eiri's mind, but this time he decided it was necessary to voice all.

"Who and what the fuck is Edward, did you just tell _me_ to take a 'pointer or two' from a fictional character, and if you like romance so much, why aren't you reading _my novels,_ you know, the ones that are written by the God of Romance, as so proclaimed by critics?" Shuichi didn't even blink as he responded.

"Edward is the lead of the book, and a vampire, yes, yes I did tell you to take a pointer or two from him, and I would much rather be engulfed in the warm fuzzy goodness that is the ever romantic Edward rather than the sex-laced, smut smitten books by the God of Romance." Eiri restrained himself from flinging himself across the room.

"Damn it, Shuichi, if I hit you in the face with a 'No more tears' shampoo bottle, I wonder, would it create beautiful irony? Because so help me I am gnat's hair from beating the snot out of you." Shuichi continued to not give Eiri even a fleeting glance.

"Maybe Eiri, if you were more sweet, sparkly and romantic like Edward, I'd be more inclined to please you."

"I am _so _romantic!"

"You are so not! You never take me out on dates, we never do anything, you're mean, cold hearted, and you won't even go on a vacation with me!" Eiri growled.

"Not _that_ again! I told you! No more vacations, so stop bringing it up!"

"Fine. If you won't do that then, to prove your romantic greatness to me, you must now slather yourself in glitter to the point where your body emits sounds that make me _think _sparkles."

Silence.

Eiri proceeded to turn and walk down the hallway to his study.

"Oh come _on_ Eiri! Just one lousy vacation! A week and a half is all!" Sighing, Eiri pulled out a cigarette and ignored the brat tailing after him.

"Pleaspleasepleaseplease Eiri!"

"Fine."

More silence.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really, now leave me alone for a bit before I change my mind."

"Oh goody! I'll let Seguchi-san and the gang know you finally caved in."

Xoxox

Oh yeah, that's how; Eiri had been suckered into a vacation with Shuichi, his band, manager and producer, Seguchi and Mika, Tatsuha and even frigging Ryuichi Sakuma, all because Eiri got jealous of a fictional character, who fucking sparkles.

Eiri looked back at the marriage licenses and slapped his palm to his forehead.

Oh, to top all that off, he was now married to someone he didn't even know, there by his last name was now Chokesondik, and Shuichi was in the same situation.

His property, his hole, his brat, was married to someone else.

_Fuck._ This trip in Vegas was turning out to be fan-fucking-tastic, wasn't it?

**End Chapter One**

Lmfao I planned on posting this after finishing The Wallpaper, but I just couldn't resist.

OKAY, forgive me PLEASE for the Twilight references. It's my dirty, dirty little pleasure xD I fucking love it, and Robert Pattinson. So by all means, the writing expressed is not my true feelings on the matter, although I must have pleased a few people.

For those who haven't read Twilight, Edward, the vampire, sparkles in the sunlight. And I ALSO want to point out this;

"**you must now slather yourself in glitter to the point where your body emits sounds that make me **_**think **_**sparkles."**

**This is based off a piece of writing called "How to become a Twilight vampire" written by a student at my school, and published in a book our school put together. **

**THIS WAS NOT BETA'D, as I am LAZY and am not going to bother the kind person beta'ing The Wallpaper with this.**

**I hope you enjoyed this first installment**

Please be so kind as to review and tell me what you think.


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